Oct. 25 2007-Nov. 19 2007

This is a blog I originally wrote on Myspace. Current mood: nostalgic Category: Life Since my last blog which was about two hours ago I've become more depressed because I realize that on this exact day and date last year I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. At first I wasn't too thrilled about having a child but once I knew I had the support of my family and my closet friends I started accepting everything. I was excited that I was going to be a mother. You know??? Then things start going wrong I was hurting and stressing bout getting to the doctors. On November 19,2007 I lost my first child. That day was the worst day of my life. I love my mom to death. If it hadn't been for her I don't think I would have been able to function well for a while. She talked me through that situation.I don't even remember what she said but I know that it got through to me. I thought that all of my feelings of being sad were behind me but they've come back. I just don't understand.I don't think I'll ever get over loosing a child. That's pain that can never go away suppressed maybe but never completely gone.I know that everything that God does in my life is for my benefit but I just don't understand why He had to take my child away. Well I know that God won't put more on me than I can bare.I know that God's plan is way too elaborate for me to understand but I want to understand why I had to loose my child.This is something has been on my mind and I just can't shake it. I really haven't talked to anyone about it in depth so now I'm writing as a form of therapy.